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conflict – a serious disagreement
or argument, typically a protracted
one; 2. a prolonged struggle; 3. an
incompatibility between two or
more opinions, principles, or
interests.
tumult – 1. a loud, confused noise,
esp. one caused by a large mass
of people. 2. confusion or disorder.
grace – the condition or fact of
being favored by someone.
Conflict, I believe, is a natural by-product
of life. It is, the precursor to growth in
all its personas. Yet, with conflict comes
discord, strain, and instability.
Unchecked conflict between adversaries
leads to all out hostility, and often,
much worse. In our personal lives it
results in a sky-rocketing divorce rate,
family trauma, abuse, and worse.
In this age of potential nuclear self-
annihilation, conflict resolution is
certainly worth humankind's addressing
and mastering.
Let’s start out with the following note –
then take a few moments to discuss
its message for us regarding conflict.
BEYOND THE TUMULT
When conflict does arrive, let us
look above and beyond its tumult,
understanding the full and fresh
perspective exists when we focus
on truth, rather than emotional
commotion.
As we do, let us remain calm and
confident, fully assured that our
required contribution minimizes
contention or favoritism, offering
an example of grace and common
sense, acknowledging that kindness
and decency must direct our actions.
With this approach as our guide, we
are able to relinquish all consternation
or concern – restoring and maintaining
tranquility and inner peace – even
as others may rant and rail, our hands
are steady, our hearts intact!
AT 1.21.15
The note, above, instructs us that when
conflict does arrive, we should consider
the following approaches: 1. focus on
the truth; 2. be an example of grace and
common sense; 3. remain calm and
confident; 4. minimize contention or
favoritism; 5. let kindness and decency
direct our actions.
The payoff for practicing this method
of conflict resolution, we are told, is
that we maintain our inner peace and
tranquility - even while others may be
ranting and railing. More essentially,
I would imagine, by choosing not to fan
the flames of the initial conflict emotions,
we would avoid exacerbating the situation,
which often results in corollary conflicts,
even worse than the original.
Ok, as is often the case with spiritually
related guidance, these approaches,
at first appear to be a stretch – on a
par in complexity with “really” loving
our neighbor as ourselves, or turning
the other cheek.
Let me explain what I mean by this.
The instruction given in the note:
“to be an example of grace”- may
be directing us not just to be graceful,
but that we should treat those involved
in the conflict, our adversaries, with
“favor,” keeping in mind that “grace,”
from a spiritual perspective, refers to
the actual granting of God’s favor.
So when participating in our conflict
resolution, we would favor our
adversary, rather than ourselves,
with the expectation, that the other
side would focus on our being favored,
as we, in turn, would work to ensure
our opponent is favored in the resolution
of the conflict. Sort of mutual favoring,
or you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.
Quite revolutionary. Almost what
you would expect if you were able
to ask Jesus how to resolve a conflict.
Would it work? Possibly yes, but only
with a major reworking of humankind’s
approach to the world and conflict
resolution.
In reality, it appears that the reason
why most major conflicts remain
unresolved, is our desire to be favored
in the process, by concessions from the
opposing party, rather than showing
favor, we would, in most cases, prefer
a - we win and you lose scenario.
Resolution is unlikely, and as we have
discovered, in our politics, our foreign
relations, and in our personal lives –
a multitude of conflicts are never resolved.
The fear at the heart of most conflicts
is that the other party will be favored,
rather than our side. To proceed with
favor would underscore the importance
of maintaining a win–win paradigm of
problem solving, and not being afraid
if the other side even does a little bit
better, that is, is favored. In reality,
this could mean that both sides are
favored.
I doubt this strategy would be adopted
in the Middle East negotiations, but
how about applying it to the handling
of our interpersonal conflicts, with
those we care about, and love. What
if we shifted our paradigm, and decide
to be an example of favor - ensuring
that favor wins out, rather than
dominance.
So, what do you think about this
“favor” based, or oriented, conflict
resolution, we have been considering?
I will certainly add this to my list of
evolutionary approaches that would
take humankind to a new level of
consciousness.
I also plan to give it some more thought
and work to incorporate it in my life
on a trial basis. I will report back with
what happens.
With love, G.